That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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