Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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