Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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