Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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