In the future we'll all be gay
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
