they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My hand turned me down
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
