Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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