The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
