You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
