I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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