Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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