trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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