Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
