I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My bed smells like the plague
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
