mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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