is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
