Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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