we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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