Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
