I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
