i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She bit a glass in half.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
