my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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