I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
