She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
