Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
