Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
