I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
