Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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