so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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