Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
