Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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