Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
