Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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