Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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