Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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