the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize