i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
