No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize