I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
