So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
