What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
