You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize