I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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