Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
