I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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