I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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