I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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