Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
