my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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