ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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