im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
