She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
