Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
