I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
