why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
