Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
