I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
