Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think my moral compass just broke
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
