We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
