I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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