There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize