bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
