the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
