Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
