i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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