he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
