I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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