She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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