Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
