you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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